for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
