Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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