Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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