The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
