A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
