I'm jealous of your bromance
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
