you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
