Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
