so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
