Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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