If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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