New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
