does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
