I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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