i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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