Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
