You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
