let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
