Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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