you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
