I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
