I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
