all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
