your parents love me but you hate me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize