i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
