You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
just found out that she named her cat after me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
