My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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