weddingsv make me drug and hornr
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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