i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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