when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
