If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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