That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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