the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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