she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize