You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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