I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
