I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
