remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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