just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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