Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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