how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
