YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
