It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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