I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
