how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
