i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The struggles of a small town man whore
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