I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
