In America we eat man semen.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
