True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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