:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
