i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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