he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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