Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I am in a vortex of obligation.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
