How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im six kinds of drunk right now
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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