So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
