Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
