Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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