i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
