so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
