Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
