Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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