if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
