Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
