just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You need a sexual gate keeper
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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