On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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