i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
