Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
